Vatican City, 14 February 2014 (VIS) –
Ten thousand engaged couples from all over the world gathered today,
on the feast of St. Valentine, in St. Peter's Square to consider the
vocation of marriage, with the theme “The joy of 'Yes' for ever”,
and to meet with Pope Francis. The event, organised by the Pontifical
Council for the Family, takes as its starting point the idea that one
does not get married once all problems are solved, but rather that
one marries in order to face problems together, and concludes that it
is still possible to take the risk of saying “for ever”, that it
takes courage, but “for ever” is a prospect that brings joy and
allows us to look to the future with hope.
The event began at 11 a.m. with a
series of testimonies from couples, interspersed with readings and
songs dedicated to love in its various manifestations, and at 12.30
p.m. the Holy Father entered the Square to greet the couples and to
comment on three issues put forward by many couples: The fear of “for
ever”, living together, the matrimonial way of life; and the type
of matrimonial celebration.
“It is important to ask ourselves if
it is possible to love one another 'for ever'”, affirmed the Pope.
“Today many people are afraid of making definitive decisions, that
affect them for all their lives, because it seems impossible … and
this mentality leads many who are preparing for marriage to say, 'We
will stay together for as long as our love lasts'. But what do we
mean by 'love'? A mere emotion, a psycho-physical state? Certainly,
if it is just this, it cannot provide the foundation for building
something solid. But if instead love is a relationship, then it is a
growing reality, and we can also say, by way of example, that it is
built in the same way that we build a house. And we build a house
together, not alone! … You would not wish to build it on the
shifting sands of emotions, but on the rock of true love, the love
that comes from God. The family is born of this project of love that
wishes to grow, as one builds a house that becomes the locus of
affection, help, hope and support. Just as God's love is stable and
lasts for ever, we want the love on which a family is based to be
stable and to last for ever. We must not allow ourselves to be
conquered by a 'throwaway culture'. This fear of 'for ever' is cured
by entrusting oneself day by day to the Lord Jesus in a life that
becomes a daily spiritual path of common growth, step by step.
Because 'for ever' is not simply a question of duration! A marriage
does not succeed just because it lasts; its quality is also
important. To stay together and to know how to love each other for
ever is the challenge Christian married couples face! … In the Our
Father prayer we say, 'Give us this day our daily bread'. Married
couples may also learn to pray, 'Give us this day our daily love',
teach us to love each other, to care for each other. The more you
entrust yourselves to the Lord, the more your love will be 'for
ever', able to renew itself and to overcome every difficulty”.
In response to the second question,
Francis emphasised that living together is “an art, a patient,
beautiful and fascinating journey … which can be summarised in
three words: please, thank you and sorry. 'Please' is a kind request
to be able to enter into the life of someone else with respect and
care. … True love does not impose itself with hardness and
aggression. … St. Francis said that 'courtesy is the sister of
charity, it extinguishes hatred and kindles love'. And today, in our
families, in our world, often violent and arrogant, there is a need
for far more courtesy. 'Thank you': gratitude is an important
sentiment. Do we know how to say thank you? In your relationship, and
in your future as married couples, it is important to keep alive your
awareness that the other person is a gift from God, and we should
always give thanks for gifts from God. … It is not merely a kind
word to use with strangers, in order to be polite. It is necessary to
know how to say thank you, to journey ahead together”.
“'Sorry'. In our lives we make many
errors, many mistakes. We all do. … And this is why we need to be
able to use this simple word, 'sorry'. In general we are all ready to
accuse other sand to justify ourselves. It is an instinct that lies
at the origins of many disasters. Let us learn to recognise our
mistakes and to apologise. … Also in this way, the Christian family
grows. We are all aware that the perfect family does not exist, nor
does the perfect husband, nor the perfect wife. We exist, and we are
sinners. Jesus, who knows us well, teaches us a secret: never let a
day go by without asking forgiveness, or without restoring peace to
your home. … If we learn to apologise and to forgive each other,
the marriage will last and will move on”.
Finally, the Holy Father commented that
marriage should be a celebration, but a Christian rather than a
worldly one. He offered as an example Jesus' first miracle at Cana,
when he transformed water into wine when the latter appeared to have
run out, thus saving the celebrations. “What happened at Cana two
thousand years ago, happens in reality at every wedding feast. It is
the presence of the Lord, who reveals Himself and the gift of His
grace, that will render your marriage full and profoundly true. …
At the same time, it is good for your wedding to be sober and to
emphasise that which is truly important. Some people are more
concerned with external signs, with the banquet, the dress... These
are important aspects of a feast, but only if they are able to
indicate the true reason for your joy: the Lord's blessing upon your
love. Ensure that, like the wine in Cana, the external signs of your
wedding feast reveal the presence of the Lord and remind you, and all
those presence, of the origin of and reason for your joy”.
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